


Just Like Fire

by Dancing_Bean



Series: Left Hand Free (and flower, you're the chosen one) [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, BAMF Maria Hill, BAMF Natasha Romanov, F/F, F/M, Family, Gen, Kidfic, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-03
Updated: 2016-05-15
Packaged: 2018-06-06 03:11:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6735724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dancing_Bean/pseuds/Dancing_Bean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>***Takes place immediately after CA:CW - spoilers, so do not read if that bothers you. Seriously***</p><p>Maria tracks down Natasha</p><p>(I am serious abot the spoilers....)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1 - Lost

**Author's Note:**

> I am going to repeat the spoiler warning here. If you go further it's your responsibility.  
> *  
> *  
> *  
> *  
> *  
> Okay. If you are sure.  
> Title from 'Just Like Fire' by P!NK

Stepping out of the anonymous black car, Maria Hill took a deep breath of the warm evening air. Sometimes she marvelled at the fact that some parts of the world could continue so normally when chaos and confusion reigned terror in others. Other times she was just grateful that the destruction that affected some areas could not reach everywhere. Yet, at least.

 

This was the second park she had tried. She had a list of possible locations in her head; this one was pretty high up there. Just the right ratio of urban to open space, a few people around to keep the place cheerful. The sort of place someone who had seen to much, done too much in the name of protecting civilians might go to remind themselves it was all worth it. Looking around, Maria's gaze landed on a lone figure in the distance, and she smiled.

 

Thrusting her hands into her jacket pockets, Maria headed unerringly towards the solitary person sitting on the furthest bench, close enough to see people but not be disturbed.

“I wasn't expecting you for at least six more hours.”

“What can I say?” Maria sat down, “I'm just that good.”

A smile flashed across Natasha's face, very briefly chasing the haunted look away. Maria checked her over, subtly assessing for any obvious injury. Despite a slight hunch suggesting bruised ribs it was the distant, unfocussed expression and shadows in her eyes that were most worrying. Maria settled herself more comfortably, being careful not to invade Natasha's space.

“You do realise that I am sort of on the run?”

“Yeah. I'll risk it. Besides, we have been calling in all sorts of favours ever since this went pie shaped. Ross doesn't have as many friends as he would like to think, and the bombing at the signing of the Accords certainly wasn't the most reassuring start to them. I think there will be renegotiations taking place in the near future.”

Natasha let out a thoughtful hum, sparing her a quick glance. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Behind the scenes, as promised.”

Natasha snorted. “Tell me you weren't the one who sent us that information on the dead doctor who should have spoken to Barnes?”

“I could. But that would be lying and I try not to do that to you,” Maria shrugged, “Besides, that was behind the scenes. And if five more super soldiers had been released into the world we would have been well up shit creek.”

“Shit creek?” Natasha sounded both slightly confused and a little amused, just like she always did when Maria would mangle an idiom that she wasn't very familiar with.

“Sorry. It's been a long day. Are you okay?”

Natasha looked up at her again, properly this time, even if she didn’t quite meet her eyes. “I'm sure I will be.” There was a heavy, almost defeated quality to her voice.

“Tough day.” Maria said softly. Having to watch people she cared about – her team – fighting… well, it had been hard for her, she couldn't imagine how bad it must have been for Natasha.

“Yeah.” There was a beat of silence, Natasha leaning forwards with arms on her knees, staring off in the direction of a playground not far away. Maria just waited, not wanting to push her too fast. “The man behind all this… he lost his family in Sokovia. Wife, son. That's why. All of this. Revenge.” Natasha sounded controlled, almost emotionless.

Having learned some of her trigger signs Maria let out a long, slow breath. It wasn't a surprise to her that this unsettled Natasha, it must come far too close to her own fears. Deciding that dancing around the issue wasn't going to help she spoke bluntly. “You wouldn't do that,” she said, leaning forwards to mimic Natasha, “You are not that sort of person.”

“How do you know?” There was a desperate, exhausted note to Natasha's voice hidden behind the blankness.

“Well, I did have access to your pysch evaluations for years.” Maria teased lightly, hiding her worry. It was unlike Natasha to need reasurance like this.

“Believe me, that is something we will be addressing at a later date,” Natasha said dryly.

Maria let her knee brush Nat's. “I know you,” she said simply, “And that is not something you would do. Ever. You were sent to hell as a child and didn't escape for years, and yet you have come out of it a better person than anyone could expect.” Natasha flicked her a quick, sceptical glance and snorted. Knowing full well that only the truth would stand a chance of getting through to the redhead, Maria continued. “If something happened to Alexis, or to me, or the Bartons… I wouldn't expect you to take it well. Realistically, I worry that it could break you. And that scares me. But at the same time, you are the strongest person I know, and have survived so much, so I have hope that, if the worst happened, you would get through it. And no matter what, I know you would not set out to hurt innocents because of your pain.”

Natasha was tense, concentrating hard on her words. “You are sure?”

“Yes. Revenge is not a motivator for you. Protecting people is.”

There was a long silence, Maria hoping that some of her words had made an impact. Eventually Natasha sighed, relaxing almost imperceptibly and leaning a little more into her touch. “You have so much faith in me.”

Maria smiled. “Like I said, I know you.”

Natasha scoffed lightly. “It was my fault,” she said, grimly, “He used information that I released to do this. If I hadn't...”

“If you hadn't, HYDRA would be in a much more powerful position right now than it is,” Maria said firmly. “You did what you had to do.”

“I wish I could believe that,” Natasha said softly.

“So do I.”

 

They both watched the children playing, carefree in the evening sun.

“How is she?” Natasha asked, almost hesitantly.

“Fine. A bit grumpy, and very clingy, but she is fine.”

Natasha's hands twitched, as if she ached to hold her child. “Is she at the farm?”

“No. She is with Laura though. I moved them all, just in case.”

Natasha laughed quietly, sitting up and pushed her hair off her face. “Trust no-one?”

“I trust you,” Maria grinned, “But no, not many others. And I didn't know how this one was going to play out.”

“Really? Agent Hill, you must be slipping.”

“Wait 'til you see where I have put them.”

Natasha frowned, then shock flooded her face. “Bertha! You didn't!”

“Where is safer? Cooper has been going nuts.”

“Clint is going to go nuts.”

“Let him. If he's really lucky, Fury won't make him clean up the whole ship. He has some messy kids. And I am genuinely not sure if Laura is mad with me for involving Fury or grateful for the protection.”

“She can do both at the same time,” Natasha said fervently, “trust me.”

“Do you want to see Lex?”

 

Natasha shook her head, “No. Not yet.” She twitched again. “Too soon.”

Maria just nodded. “Whenever you are ready.”

Natasha sighed, giving Maria a half exasperated, half fond look and took her hand, fiddling with her fingers in a way that from anyone else would be absentminded. Natasha didn't do absentminded, but Maria was content to let her move at her own pace. “You can be far too patient. Where is it?”

“No such thing. Close.” Maria let some of the tension drain out of her muscles, relieved that Natasha was relaxing and not rejecting her company. “Oh, talking of Clint, do you know where he is? Laura threatened to skin me alive if I came back without him.”

“Ah… About that...”


	2. Chapter 2 - Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha helps Steve

“A submersible base? Really?” Maria balanced in the back of the quinjet with the ease of long practice. After Natasha had explained where Clint and the others were being held, she had called in for back up.

She caught Natasha rolling her eyes. “Honey, we had a flying base. An invisible, flying base.”

Smiling at the unconscious endearment Maria continued, “Yeah, but that was much better. Flying is practical. Ross is stuck in the ocean. And he needs deep ocean for his thing to work, so a lot of it is ruled out.”

Natasha smirked, brushing a hand over her shoulders as she passed, reaching over to the other side of the cabin for her parachute. “I get the feeling you have thought about this before.”

“Yeah well, Fury brought it up once. Just the once.”

“I am not surprised,” Natasha murmured, passing Maria the second 'chute.

Maria smiled at her. “Are you saying I'm being unreasonable?”

“I would never,” Natasha said with mock seriousness.

 

“Five minutes out,” The pilot, Clint's young protégée Osprey flicked a number of switches, muffling the quinjet's electromagnetic output to reduce the chance of them being detected.

“You sure Steve will have got there first?” Maria tightened her straps and stepped forwards to check Natasha's.

“I think so.” Natasha firmly spun her back around, “Not my first rodeo commander.”

“Let me do something useful here,” Maria twitched, settling the heavy pack more evenly on her back.

Natasha just snorted, giving her a prod towards the back hatch. “If not, we'll just have to go with plan B.” She waggled the small diving apparatus fixed to her straps.

“Fingers crossed he's there then.”

Natasha nodded in agreement, and then totally disregarding her rejection of Maria's help stepped up to adjust Maria's pack.

“Not my first rodeo,” Maria whispered to her with a smile, making Natasha huff and jerk the straps just a little too tight.

 

“Destination reached.” Osprey craned around to peer at the two women, “And someone has definitely been here before us, the base is surfaced. Kinda. Some of it is surfaced anyway.”

“We are going to have to work on your handovers, agent,” Maria said, snapping goggles into place.

Natasha laughed, releasing the hatch. “Race you?” she said with a shadow of her old smirk, before throwing herself out into the wild night.

 

Maria followed, relishing the rush as she dropped through the stormy weather. Her destination was highlighted by the goggles, and she controlled her decent expertly. God, sometimes she missed flying. She landed lightly seconds after Natasha, who had already stripped off the 'chute and was examining the expanse of icy wet metal before them.

“There must be a service hatch somewhere,” Maria said, stepping out of her own harness.

“There,” Natasha pointed.

With a short nod Maria strode carefully over the slippery surface in the direction she had indicated. A small hatchway, big enough to admit a person but not much more became visible through the pouring rain. An abandoned wrench and clear signs of entry having being forced suggested that Steve had already been here.

“We can't be far behind him,” Natasha said, joining her, “He hasn't had time.”

“Lets catch up before he hits too many people then.”

“He can't have all the fun,” Natasha's grin was predatory.

 

They descended rapidly, Maria grateful for the fact that the air warmed considerably the deeper into the base they got. By the time they dropped the final few feet into an airlock her fingers had just about defrosted.

They moved rapidly through the narrow corridors. It wasn't long before sounds of muffled fighting reached them.

Natasha raised an eyebrow. “He's definitely having fun.”

“Shall we join?”

“Oh yes lets.”

They jogged the final feet of corridor, hopping neatly over the remains of a door that had been smashed through. Natasha immediately swung to the left, bouncing off one solider and kicking out at a second. Maria delivered a solid roundhouse kick to an impressively tall, overly muscled solider who had cornered Steve, making him turn on her. She distracted him with a few punches that didn't make much of an impact, before Steve thwacked him over the head with a chair. As he crumpled to the floor she saw Natasha jump up and spin, wrapping herself around the final remaining solider and using the momentum to bear him to the ground. Head first.

Steve's eyebrows rose in surprise. “Maria? Nat?”

“Need a hand?”

“Uh...” He scrubbed his fingers through his hair, looking around at the destruction in the room, “Sure?”

Maria shook out her hand with a grimace. That guy must have been 80% steroid. Her gaze fell briefly on Bucky Barnes in the corner. His prosthetic arm had been destroyed, leaving just a stump. He looked off-balance, in more ways that one. She looked at Steve. “We are going to have words. Later.”

He winced, but rallied as best he could. “Buck, this is Maria Hill. I don't think you ever met her during, uh...” He trailed off.

“During that time I dropped a helicarrier on your head in Washington,” Maria finished for him, tone pleasant and conversational.

A faint smile turned up one corner of Barnes' mouth. “It's an honour.” His voice was low, still with a trace of his Brooklyn accent.

“We'll see.” Maria gave him one more assessing glance then turned her attention back to Steve. “Any idea where they are being kept?”

“Not yet.”

Natasha had moved to a console that had somehow escaped the carnage. As she tapped away with a small frown of concentration she spoke up. “I think they must be in the east wing. That’s the place with the most security.”

“Right, more security. Wonderful.” Steve rolled his shoulders.

“Where's your shield?” Natasha asked, as she came up to join them.

“Tony's got it.”

Natasha's eyes narrowed. “Why? And is it related to why Barnes is somewhat lacking in the finger department?”

Again there was that small smile from Barnes, but Steve just looked uncomfortable. “Yes.”

“Are you kidding me? He came to you to help! A truce! Do you have any idea how hard it is for him to admit when he's got something wrong?” Natasha's eyes blazed, and even Maria was surprised by her vehemence.

“We uh, we found out who killed his parents.” Steve's eyes flickered very briefly to Bucky, and Natasha recoiled slightly.

“So you hit him?!”

“It was mutual.” Steve said, a mixture of guilt and defiance in his eyes.

“Jesus, Steve,” Maria sighed, suddenly very tired, “You really fucked up this time.”

“In his defence...” Barnes said quietly from his corner, “Actually no, you're right. He fucked up. He was protecting me and it got out of hand.”

Deciding that this was not the right place for an in depth discussion about morals and ethics Maria turned to Natasha quickly. “Don't you dare make a joke about lack of hands right now.”

“As if I would,” Natasha said, with one last glare at Steve. “Lets get going.”

 

Led by a faintly shamefaced Steve they made their way through the base, heading for the area Natasha had pinpointed. They met minimal resistance until the final corridor. There, the soldiers had had enough warning to set up a barricade.

In a well practised movement Natasha sped up, planting one foot on the wall, landing neatly on Steve's braced hands and flipped herself over their heads, landing softly on the other side of the barrier behind them. “Hello boys,” She smirked dangerously, snapping her batons out of their hidden sheaths with a smooth flick.

As she became a blur of well placed hits, kicks and howls of pain, Maria, Steve and Barnes set about dismantling the barricade itself. By the time they had gotten through, Natasha had dealt with all the guards on the other side.

“Nice of you to join,” she said, puffing a strand of hair off her face.

“Yeah yeah,” Maria grouched, allowing herself a brief moment to admire how Natasha lit up with the adrenaline and challenge of the mission. She really was stunning, in her element.

“What?” The redhead asked, with a suspicious frown creasing her forehead.

Maria waved a hand, “Nothing. You go have fun.”

 

Looking entirely unconvinced Natasha strode off after Steve and Bucky, letting Maria bring up the rear. There were many worse places to be, in Maria's opinion. The prisoners were being kept in strange, futuristic cells, able to talk to each other but with very limited space.

“Well, it's about time,” Clint called sardonically from his as they entered. “Wait, Maria?”

“Natasha let me out to play,” Maria said dryly, moving to look at the door to Wanda's cell.

“Nat?”

“Over here,” Natasha called from by Sam.

“Hey Nat. Forgiven me?”

“Not yet,” Natasha said, “Anybody got through these locks yet?”

“No,” Steve sounded incredibly frustrated.

“Right.” Natasha headed back out of the door.

Barnes turned to Steve with a confused expression.

“She's gone to fix things. She does this. Don't ask how, I have no idea.” He explained, not looking up from the lock he was examining.

Maria grinned, and looked at Wanda. The young woman was trussed up, pale and glowering but apparently in control. “How are you all?” she asked.

“Pissed off,” Clint yelled.

“Okay, all things considered,” Sam added.

“Speak for yourself,” came an unfamiliar voice from her left.

Maria turned slightly, to see a face she only knew from reports. Her eyebrows raised. “Scott Lang.”

“Finally, someone who knows who I am!”

“That is not a good thing buddy, trust me,” Clint said.

“Now now,” Maria said lightly as Natasha walked back in waving a pass card triumphantly, “After I came all this way to rescue you as well.”

Clint snorted, standing as Natasha made her way around the cell releasing people. At Wanda's she paused.

“You good?”

“I am,” Wanda replied, “But I will be better when this jacket is off me.”

“Fair enough,” Natasha opened her door and Maria stepped forwards to carefully remove the jacket.

 

“So are we fugitives now or what?” Clint asked, rubbing his hands together warily.

Maria sighed. “I have been calling in all sorts of favours and debts. Nick is out there right now calling in a few more – undercover of course. So no, not fugitives as such. But if you could all keep your heads down for a while that would be much appreciated.”

“What about me?” Barnes asked quietly. “I don't think there are enough favours in the world to keep you safe at the moment,” Maria said apologetically, “Which is why this rescue is going to be blamed entirely on you and Rogers.”

Steve nodded in understanding.

“So, we have transport waiting up top,” Natasha glanced at Steve, “Had you thought of transport?” she asked pointedly.

“I thought something would show up,” he said, spreading his hands, “And look, it did.”


	3. Chapter 3 - Helicarrier

The quinjet was filled with a tense silence as it prepared to land on the mainly deserted helicarrier's deck. If anything told Maria how deeply the bonds between the team had been stretched, perhaps broken irreparably, this was it. Betrayal and mistrust had run like fire through their ranks and the basis on which they had been founded, already a little shaky, and been removed completely. She sighed, helping Osprey complete the pre-landing checks, bringing the little jet to rest on the runway.

Natasha had returned to staring into space, shoulders tense. Maria was sure she had gone back to blaming herself for this mess. Clint was on the far side of the jet, face creased in a deep frown. Occasionally he glanced up at Natasha, but made no move to go to her. Wanda was pacing, jittery, while Steve sat with his head in his hands next to Bucky and Sam. Maria had to chivvy them out of the jet and onto the windswept deck, doing her best not to let them pick up on her worry and exhaustion.

 

The helicarrier was carrying minimal personnel, and was basically hovering in place, making it eerily quiet. They strode through deserted corridors, footsteps echoing off the walls.

“The mess on level two is open,” Maria said, “And quarters near there are available. Barton, Nat, with me.” With that she left the others to their own devices. She was too tired to deal with them at the moment.

 

Clint and Natasha followed her silently towards the admin level. Reaching one of the small break rooms she beckoned them in, then set about hunting down the coffee that had to be in there somewhere.

“I thought you might like to talk before seeing your kids,” she explained, measuring coffee powder out into three mugs.

“We're not children,” Clint said, irritation warring with weariness in his voice.

“Really?” Maria asked icily, “You could have fooled me.” She allowed a little of Commander Hill to bleed into her stance. “This has been a total shit show, and everyone made mistakes. Myself included. But do we need to make them,” she jerked her head at the door, “suffer for our behaviour?”

Natasha looked at Clint. “She makes a fair point.”

“I hate it when she does that,” he grouched, but slumped down into a chair and accepted the mug that Maria handed to him, “Can't we just beat each other up a couple of times like usual?”

“You really wanna go up against me right now Barton?” Natasha raised one eyebrow.

Clint grinned. “I am not known for being sensible.”

Maria smiled faintly. “Try not to break anything. I'll be back after seeing Fury.” She slipped out of the door, clasping her drink in cold hands.

 

Fury was all restrained anger and energy that she was suspiciously convinced came more from coffee beans than from proper sleep. He sat her down and drew out every last detail from the past few days that she could remember, his clever questioning helping her to make connections and recover details she hadn't registered at the time. It was familiar this – as it had been during the early years of her time at SHIELD when he would test her and push her. It settled her mind and gave her space to deal with some of the issues. Finally, with a grunt and a nod he dismissed her, turning away to think about all that she had told him.

 

Believing that she had given Clint and Natasha long enough to at least begin to work out their problems Maria headed back to take them to the children and Laura.

One of the conference rooms had been taken over by the Bartons. Bunks had been moved in and positioned along one wall, and toys were strewn all over the place. Cooper was plastered against one of the windows, staring with fascination at the clouds they were passing while Laura was curled up in a chair with Lila.

Maria's eyes immediately fell on her daughter who was sitting up on a play mat with Nate, solemnly piling up a tower of bricks. She felt Natasha draw in a breath, stiffening beside her. There was a brief second before Lexi looked up and saw them, then she let out a squeal, bouncing and reaching for them. This alerted the Bartons the their presence, and Clint was suddenly buried under a pile of children, Laura following not far behind.

Lexi was now crawling rapidly over, almost sobbing in her eagerness to get to Natasha. With a choked noise the redhead dropped to the floor, scooping her up and holding her close, pressing kiss after kiss to the top of her head. She had been prepared not to come back, to never hold her baby again. Maria could see it now, the fear and relief and love pouring out of her in an uncharacteristic display.

Swallowing the lump in her throat with difficulty she joined them, Natasha getting up so that she could wrap her arms around them both. Standing there with Natasha leaning trustingly against her chest and Lexi's soft hair brushing her cheek, Maria closed her eyes and just breathed it in. Her family were here, whole and together.


	4. Chapter 4 - Trust

SHIELD bunks were not designed for two people. Even so, Natasha managed to curl up half on top of Maria, with one of the brunettes arms firmly wrapped around her waist. It was cramped, and hot, and the collar of Maria's t-shirt was pressing into her cheek, but she needed the reassuring thump of Maria's heartbeat and the security of her arms more than she needed sleep anyway.

Lexi snuffled in a makeshift cot (a drawer stuffed with bedding) in the corner. There was no way Natasha was going to be separated from her just yet.

She could feel the shift as Maria woke, her breathing pattern changing subtly. Snuggling a bit deeper into her shoulder Natasha smiled as Maria hummed sleepily and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Morning.”

“Hi,” Natasha twisted the fabric of Maria shirt in her fingers.

“You okay?”

“Just looking forward to the joys of the day to come,” Natasha said dryly.

“How long have you been awake thinking about that?”

“Too long.”

Maria groaned, buried her face in Natasha's hair. “It is far too early for that.” One of her hands brushed Natasha's back under her shirt, and Natasha couldn't quite suppress her flinch. “Sorry,” Maria said quickly, pulling back.

“No. Don't. It's just… too soon.” Natasha squeezed her eyes shut against the wave of adrenaline, memories of the past few days flashing through her head.

“It's okay,” Maria said softly, running her fingers through Natasha's hair. “Is this alright?”

Natasha swallowed down her automatic feelings of shame and guilt, trying to concentrate on Maria's fingers, her heartbeat, the fact that she was still here. “Perfect.”

 

 

Natasha smiled when she saw the bananas, grabbing one for Lexi's breakfast and heading over to the table where Maria was sat with Steve and Sam. Lexi was perched happily on Sam's shoulders, waving at everyone who passed.

“Your daughter is a flirt,” Sam grinned as she sat down.

“Have you met her mother?” Maria asked laconically, moving along to make room for Natasha next to her.

“Rude,” Natasha said primly, cutting up the banana, “and she is well socialised. There is a difference.”

Sam laughed, bouncing the baby down and passing her over. Lexi stuffed a piece of banana in her mouth with a beam. Steve was quiet, staring distracted out of the window. Natasha noticed Maria shooting him concerned glances. She nudged his foot under the table, making him look up at her. Raising one quizzical eyebrow she got a small smile in response and a half hearted shrug.

“Plan for today?” she asked, managing a spoonful of cereal around Lexi.

“Meetings with Fury. Wave goodbye to Steve and Bucky, and I imagine Sam, for a while. Then home.” Maria drank the last of her coffee and stood suddenly. “And we have to see Fury now. Who would like to keep Lexi company for the next hour?”

Steve held out his hands obligingly.

 

 

It took longer than an hour to dissect events and attempt to come up with solutions with Fury. Natasha enjoyed having the chance to stretch her mind around the problem, and she had always appreciated being able to see Maria playing to her strengths like this, but even so she was wrung out by the time they finished. As they left she exchanged a glance with the other woman, suppressing a smile when Maria rolled her eyes and waggled her eyebrows expressively.

“Baby first or coffee first?”

“Do you even need to ask?”

 

They raided that same break room, using up the last of the coffee powder, then set about tracking down Lexi and Steve. The carrier seemed suspiciously quiet, and Natasha's nerves were starting to prickle when a flight technician pointed wordlessly towards the room where Bucky Barnes was being kept. Heart suddenly in her mouth Natasha followed in Maria's wake as the taller woman powered through the door, then nearly bounced off her back as she stopped in the doorway.

Maria stood stock still, hands gripping her coffee mug as both a lifeline and potential weapon. Natasha eased around her, keeping her eyes locked on her baby in the lap of the Winter Solider. Assassin, tool of HYDRA, the man who had nearly killed her. Twice.

Lexi glanced up as her mothers entered, sending them a wide, gummy smile of welcome, then turned back to give Barnes one of her appraising stares. Barnes just sat, completely frozen, the only movements he made were with his eyes and he looked beseechingly at Steve, then Natasha herself, as if pleading with them for something.

After a moment Lexi reached out and prodded the silver stump where his arm had been. Frowning with concentration she tried to pry her little fingers under the plates, patting at the metal and rubbing the remains of the star. Slowly, very slowly, Maria started to relax from the shock, settling into an alert stance that would allow her quick reactions if needed. Natasha couldn't. She was practically vibrating with tension, filled with a hot rage that surprised her.

“Mama!” Lexi demanded eventually, pointing at Bucky's arm.

Maria moved forwards, smoothly scooping her up. “Yes. Say bye bye to Bucky for now.”

“Ba.” Lexi waved, then stuffed her thumb in her mouth, leaning against Maria's shoulder.

Maria headed out, managing to send Steve a glare while brushing a hand over Natasha's hip soothingly at the same time.

 

As soon as the door snapped shut Natasha turned to Steve, fists clenched. “What,” she spat out from between gritted teeth, “was that?”

He gave her a wide eyed look. “It went alright.”

Growling under her breath Natasha hustled him out of the door, spinning on him with a fury that made him recoil. “What the hell Steve?”

“It was fine,” he repeated firmly.

“What if it wasn't 'fine'?” she spat, “What if he had hurt her?”

“He didn't though.”

Natasha stepped closer, tone menacing. “But you couldn't be sure! She is a baby! If she had been hurt, would you have been able to live with that? Would he?”

Comprehension started to seep into Steve's expression.

“He is not the Bucky you knew. Sure, that Bucky seems to show up from time to time but he is. Not. The. Same. You do not know that man.” Steve opened his mouth as if to object. “No,” she continued, right over the top of him, “You do not get to play with my daughters safety just to make yourself feel like everything is fine. You do not have that right.”

There was a long beat of silence as she glared at him. Finally he nodded, lips thin. “I'm sorry.”

With a withering look Natasha turned and left, stalking away to find some space.

 

 

Opening the door to Barnes' room hours later, Natasha was glad to see Steve had gone. Probably for a long run if she knew him. She sat in the only chair available, reclining like a cat, all muscle and dangerous grace. She toyed with one of her favourite knives, testing the balance while watching the man on the bed closely.

Barnes shifted. “I'm sorry for that.”

“Not your fault.” She kept her voice low and even.

“I think he thought it would be a good idea.”

“Steven Grant Rogers thinks a lot of things are a good idea. That doesn't make them so.”

“He's a good man.”

“He is. But no one is perfect,” Natasha fixed Barnes with a hard stare, “No one gets to gamble with the life of a child.”

Barnes nodded, and she could tell he understood. They sat in silence for a long moment.

“You don't trust me.”

“No,” Natasha agreed, “I don't. Am I wrong?”

“No.” There was a pause, then Barnes continued in a soft, almost bewildered tone, “Steve trusts me.”

Natasha snorted, twirling the knife in her hands. “Steve is hardly unbiased here.”

“Your kid likes me?”

“She likes anything shiny.”

Something flickered in Barnes' usually blank eyes. Humour? “Ouch. Commander Hill?”

“Maria understands something about brainwashing. She believes in second chances. And third chances. Not fourth ones though, so don't shoot me again. Twice is the limit. And don't expect that door to be unlocked anytime soon.”

He smiled. “And what do you believe in?”

Natasha stilled for a second, “Not much.”

Barnes settled back as if satisfied with that answer. Natasha got the feeling that she had just passed some sort of test. “What happens next?”

“Well, as hard as it is to believe, that is up to you.”

Bucky raised one eyebrow, clearly skeptical.

“If you want to break free of any conditioning, they will find a way. It will be unpleasant. Trust me on that one. But it can be done. If you don't, well, you will be taken somewhere and kept in a very well made cell. Or equivalent.”

He nodded slowly, watching her closely. “And what would they do with me until they work out how to deprogramme me? I cannot be trusted.”

Natasha smiled. “There's always a way.”

 

 

Maria had buried herself in her old office, Lexi sound asleep on the ratty old sofa in the corner. When Natasha walked in she glanced up quickly, nerves clearly still a little on edge. Natasha crossed to the sofa, checking the sleeping baby before settling in the spare chair.

“Barnes is fine. Quite realistic about things actually.”

“Good,” Maria shuffled, “it makes me uncomfortable keeping him shut up though.”

Natasha knew that was because Maria saw the Black Widow every time she looked at the Winter Solider. She rolled her eyes. “You kept me locked up for months, and it was the right call. Trust me, if you let Barnes go now he would beg you to lock the door again. He is terrified he might hurt someone again.”

Maria tilted her head to one side, accepting that point, “Fair enough.”

“I think he will ask for deprogramming. He's worried about what happens in the interim.”

Maria tapped her pen on the desk, expression thoughtful. “Your Wakandan friend. T'Challa.”

“Yes?” Natasha wondered where this was going.

“Assessment?”

Natasha stretched out her legs. “Intelligent. Resourceful. Proud and honourable. But not afraid to admit when he is wrong or change his mind with new information. A good man.”

“Reminds me of someone,” Maria said, eyes crinkling at the corners, “Do you think he would be open to talks?”

“What are you thinking?” Natasha asked warily.

“There are rumours about his country and the level of technology that they have developed. I am curious.”

Natasha nodded slowly. She had learned to trust Maria's hunches. "I will see if he will agree to contact."

 

 

Natasha found Steve exactly where she had expected, standing on the flight deck staring out over the clouds. She came up silently to stand beside him. A slight softening of his shoulders was the only sign that he was aware of her. After a few beats she moved to lean against the window, glancing down at the ground passing far below before looking up at him again. He had a lost, exhausted expression on his face.

“You okay?” she asked.

“Sure. We found him. Why wouldn't I be?”

“Because at some point over the past few years, you shifted from only having Bucky and Peggy to care for, and you didn’t even notice it happen. You have been so focused on the past you ignored the present.”

Steve shifted uncomfortably. “I need to speak to Tony.”

“Yeah,” Natasha suppressed a wince, “I don't think that's going to happen any time soon. His issues, not yours.”

Steve smiled briefly. “Point.” He stared off out of the window for a minute. “Sam can't come too. It's not fair.”

“You don't get to decide what is fair for him,” she shrugged, “besides, you think he's going to leave you now? You need to learn to read people, Captain America.”

Steve blinked, startled and she smirked before becoming serious again.

“You can't keep dismissing what he has been through,” she held Steve's eyes, her voice low and intense.

“I'm not...”

“You are. You don’t mean to, I know, but you are. He killed people Steve. He may not have had a choice, but he did it and he remembers each and every one. How it felt under his hands. How they fought back, or begged, or screamed… You cannot take that away, so stop reducing it to nothing. He feels so guilty, so let him. Let him honour his victims with that.”

Steve stared at her, a frown of concern furrowing his brow. She had become more open with him over the past year or two, but had never spoken to him like this. Eventually he nodded. “Okay.”

“Some things you just can't fix. I seem to spend a lot of time telling Maria this.”

Steve gave her a half smile. “Maybe there are some things that can be fixed, but not right away?”

“Yeah,” she smiled back, “Maybe.”

“I'm sorry.”

“It's not me you have to apologise to.”

“I should...” Steve gestured towards Bucky's room.

“Yeah. And Steve?” she said as he started to walk away, “Just listen to him. Be there. That helps.”

He nodded, paused, nodded again, and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I imagine some people won't appreciate this chapter much. I hope that I managed to keep things moving without offending anyone too much.


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